the reason behind it

The reason behind parenting is more than just conceiving a child, giving birth and then making sure that they don't get run over by a car or eaten by a lion. Even though it is providing for your children's physical, mental and social well being but also showing love to your kids and being able to discipline them as well. Another huge aspect of being parents is that it is like a trial run for later. How we reach godhood is being parents now and bringing your children unto Christ. Parenting isn't just for your kid's to obey you, but to obey God.

There are so many different ways to parent, depending on the environment you live in, the type of child you have and what fits you. But there are somethings that go for anyone, or any child.
When the Child is...power over self and environment
Mistaken Approach: rebellion or controlling other
Because of this the parent's feel angry and powerless. But because of this the child increases in negative behavior and approach.
But what the child needs is some power. They need responsibility that are age appropriate but they also need consequences.
When the Child is...being touchy, and too much contact
Mistaken Approach: undue attention seeking.
And because of this the parent's feel annoyed and irritated. There is a lot of extra time and attention and it can get very annoying for a busy parent.
What the child needs is attention. So giving attention and freely. Sit down and talk them, play game and the whole time give them physical contact.

One For the Money

Finances can be the greatest strain on a couple and a family, and is the leading cause of divorce. And even in my own life, this makes perfect sense. So when I have my own family I don't want it to be a huge stress and sore in our lives.

A very good resource to learn how to make your dollar stretch is to follow the advice in handbook, One for the Money by Elder Marvin J Ashton. There are 12 different steps but I just want to highlight three of them.

Manage your Money
- determined on how much you earn, but also how much you spend.
- your budget needs to be made between husband and wife, and also the Lord.
- it may sound a little dumb to say this, but don't buy stuff you can't afford
Teach Children Importance of Earning
- teach your children to work
- but also to teach them to save, have them earn their summer camp or their school clothes
- you children need to know that when their money runs out, so does their fun
Pay an Honest Tithe
- give first to the Lord and he will give to you
- teaches honesty to your children and your devotion to God

Jeg elsker dig - Is breá liom tú

For who that don't speak Danish or Irish you might be confused by my title. For all those non-linguist readers I am saying I love you. See know you are all feeling tingly inside that someone just told you that they love you. But it doesn't do a lot of good when you don't understand the meaning.

Language is one of the basic forms of communications around the world, and if you are in a relationship with some one and we don't understand their language we are screwed. And not they are speaking Irish or Danish but everyone has their own way of conversation. Words take on a different meaning, gestures may mean something to me then it does to my neighbor and yelling is just how some people speak while to others it is highly offensive.

This is why it is extremely important to understand each others language. When we seek to understand another person's language it shows them that you love and care for them.

But it is not just words that mean everything, it is all parts of speech that we need to seek to understand. Your words are less than half of what you are saying. This may seem weird but think about it. If someone tells you that they are excited to go on the trip but are saying it super mono-toned voice, you question what they are saying.
Tone = 35%
Non-verbal = 51%
Words = 14%

Ways that we can seek to understand one another are:
- paraphrase but what you heard
- ask questions
- accept it as it is offered (clarify later)
- reflect meaning (or check reasons)
- trial and error
- be intential (don't hide)
- take responsibility

evil is ALWAYS stupid

When something bad happens to us we seem to start analyzing it. Trying to find the reason behind that person abused the child, or why that drunk driver hit your car and the list goes on and on. And we still are analyzing it to figure out why they would do that, but what we realize is that evil is ALWAYS stupid!

When on is abused, it is how they think about the abuse that begins to tear them apart. But after realizing that what happened to them was evil and that they couldn't do anything to control that, and that in the end it doesn't make since. We shouldn't try to figure it out.

During a crisis we need to begin to look at what we can learn from it all and keep an eternal perspective. Heavenly Father would never test a second more than we could handle and wants us to learn something from what is happening to us. But in the end what we all need is a map of our life and saying, "Hey, you are right here, so just turn right then hang a left and then you are golden!" But since we don't have that we need to realize that God does have it and we need to trust him and know that we wouldn't get us lost.

check it out!

hey everyone! check out my sister's recipe blog...it's pretty legit!!

http://thefarmgirlrecipes.blogspot.com/

starting too soon

Sex in a relationship (one connected through marriage preferably) is what literally makes a family and is the glue that keeps a family together. But when you have premarital sex it is like super gluing your fingers together. It never quite fits and when you pull apart it physically hurts. And once you become intimate, it makes easier to jump to that step the next time, and harder to go without.

Along with sex, and the spiritual and nature of it, it is important that I teach my children the right things about it. So here are some rules that I am going to follow about teaching my kids about the birds and the bees.



AGES 0-4
- Teach them the correct name for body parts
- Talk to them about abuse, teaching them that in any case someone touches them they come to Mommy or Daddy.







AGES 5-10
- Make sure they know a little more about child abuse and about pornography. So they know that if they are given porn that they do not look at it.
- Begin to tell them about what sex is and the importance of it, so they know why.
- Start telling them about drugs and what to do if they are offered any.
- Teach them how to say no to porn and sex.



AGES 12-18
- Take everything that I have taught them in the first two stages and go into more depth. I want to make sure that they know why you shouldn't have sex before marriage, why porn is damaging and the affects of drugs.
- I also want them to know that they can trust me and their father in any situation.

So all you parents, let me know what you think and what you have seen work with your kids.

McIntyre Team Roster

For our midterm we had to create our own Family System, an analogy of how our family operates and works together. I chose a football team, if you know my family at all, you will understand how well this fits!

Here is the picture I created for it, each player is a family member.

learning to select a mate

My mother is going to be excited that I was learning about this topic; Dating and Courtship!

When we begin to date that are three different models that people tend to follow:
1) hang out, make out, drop out: this is when we have an initial attraction to a person, but we begin to have non-committal physical interaction and after that happens there is no further contact. Here at BYU-Idaho we like to call this a NCMO, a non-committal make-out. Speaking from experience I think this is the most dangerous. It happens mostly when people are feeling insecure and look for attention in the easiest route possible.
2) date 'em till you hate 'em: this is when you get over committed from the beginning and you are exclusive until you can't stand them any longer. You start dating before you know how old they are or when their birthday is. And from what I know these are the bonds that so easy to break, you begin to date so quickly that you are not able to set up a foundation.
3) dating & courtship: now this is the best one! You take the time to get to know each other, you go on dates, not just hanging out, and you then you become exclusive.

Now when I speak about dating maybe I should define that for some people. Dating should follow The Family: A Proclamation to the World. It states, "Fathers should preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families." And with dating it should follow the same lines.
1) PLANNED AHEAD:
Have an idea of the plans for the night, this show he can preside. He can stand up and take action when needed not just when he is pressured.
2) PAIRED OFF:
This shows that he can be attendant to you, not the herd. But this brings in the idea of protections stated in the Family Proclamation. He makes sure that anything negative will happen, and is protecting you from others and outside forces.
3) PAID FOR:
This is him showing you that he can take responsibility for you, just like he will be if you get married. It also is a foreshadowing of what your financial situation will be if you get married. It sets a pattern.

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

innocent desires

I remember when I was first grade and the new boy in class sat right next to me. I got so excited and then nervous! My first crush. When I was that young I really didn't act out on those innocent desires. We would chase each other on the playground and I even was invited to his 6th birthday. When we have those innocent desires most of the time nothing is done about it, and it is the same for people with tendencies to being homosexual.

When they have those innocent desires like day dreaming, nervousness or increased heart beat. It is when they begin to act on those desires that it is a problem. One wonderful thing that I learned in these lessons about homosexuality is that usually these people are just simply misunderstood and when they find acceptance with people that aren't straight, then they themselves believe they are gay. And instead of fighting those tendencies they believe the names they are being called.

What I truly learned from my class this week is to be a lot more kind and understanding to young people who are struggling. They really just wanting to belong.

the-o-ry [thee-uh-ree, theer-ee] -noun, plural:
a coherent group of general propositions used as principles of explanation for a class of phenomena: The family systems theory is a theory introduced by Dr. Murray Bowen that suggests that individuals cannot be understood in isolation from one another, but rather as a part of their family, as the family is an emotional unit. Families are systems of interconnected and interdependent individuals, none of whom can be understood in isolation from the system.

In a family people often feel distant or disconnected from each other, but this is more feeling than fact. Family members so profoundly affect each others thoughts, feelings, and actions that it often seems as if people are living under the same "emotional skin." People solicit each others attention, approval, and support and react to each others needs, expectations, and distress. The connectedness and reactivity make the functioning of family members interdependent. A change in one person's functioning is predictably followed by reciprocal changes in the functioning of others.

I remember when ever a brother would leave on his mission, or one of my sister got married the house would feel so empty, but it is more then that, the family would feel like it wasn't functioning the same. After a little awhile things, and people would adapt and then it would be normal again. But when that brother would come home or that sister and her husband would come visit us things would be interrupted again.

It is because of this idea of the family systems theory. Everybody has function, a role you could say, and when they would leave their position would be left vacant.

No Caps.

Whenever I heard someone say in Sunday school, "...and become a savior on Mount Zion." I never understood that when we are referring to this there savior is not capitalized.

So when you are a "savior on Mount Zion" you are giving grace to other who may not deserve it. You are willingly suffering for someone else. I think that we all should start becoming saviors on Mount Zion to those around, even though they may not deserve that grace, it is what Christ would do.

The dam in the river

When you come across a river during the spring time there is a lot of dirt, logs and other nastiness in the river. But what surprises me when I see this is when one log, instead going with the easier path and going straight, it turns sideways against the flow and ends up damming the river. The effect it has is quite amazing. It catches all the dirt and other filth and allows the river to become clean. Because of one log, the river is able to flow clean.

I have seen this effect in my own family. My parents are amazing people and the families they came from, who are all great people, had some tendencies that weren't the greatest. They were that one log in the river that went against the flow and created a purifying process, and made it clean for the rest of the family.



They have given my siblings and I the chance to grow in a good healthy environment and that is why I want children.

Getting Ready for an A!

This blog has been set up for my Family Relations course, throughout the semester I will be updating you all about what I am learning. So don't be shy, let me know what you think of it all.

So hopefully on this little adventure I can not only learn from all my peers in my class, but also from you all.